IC was rG/Ciding onC the Mayflower
When I thought I spied some land
I yelled for Captain Arab
I have yuh understand
Who cameG running to the deck
Said, "Boys, forget the whale
LCook on over yonder
Cut the engine, change the sail
HCaul on the bowline"
We sang that melody
LikeC all tough sailors do
When they are far away at sea

"I Cthink I'lG/Cl call it CAmerica"
I said as we hit land
I took a deep breath
I fell down, I could not stand
CGaptain Arab he started
Writing up some deeds
He said, "CLet's set up a fort
And start buying the place with beads"
JustC then this cop comes down the street
Crazy as a loon
HeC throw us all in jail
For carryin' harpoons

AhC me G/CI bustedC out
Don't even ask me how
I went to get some help
I walked by a Guernsey cow
WhoG directed me down
To the Bowery slums
WhereC people carried signs around
Saying, "Ban the bums"
I jumpedC right into line
Sayin', "I hope that I'm not late"
When IC realized I hadn't eaten
For five days straight

IC went G/Cinto aC restaurant
Lookin' for the cook
I told them I was the editor
Of a famous etiquette book
TheG waiter he was handsome
He wore a powder blue cape
IC ordered some suzette, I said
"Could you please make that crepe"
JustC then the whole kitchen exploded
From boilin' fat
FCood was flying everywhere
And I left without my hat

Now, IC didn'G/Ct mean to bCe nosy
But I went into a bank
To get some bail for Arab
And all the boys back in the tank
TheyG asked me for some collateral
And I pulled down my pants
TheyC threw me in the alley
When up comes this girl from France
Who iCnvited me to her house
I went, but she had a friend
WhoC knocked me out and robbed my boots
And I was on the street again

Well, IC rappedG/C upon aC house
With the U.S. flag upon display
I said, "Could you help me out
I got some friends down the way"
TheG man says, "Get out of here
I'll tear you limb from limb"
I said, "CYou know they refused Jesus, too"
He said, "You're not Him
GetC out of here before I break your bones
I ain't your pop"
I deCcided to have him arrested
And I went looking for a cop

IC ranG/C right ouCtside
And I hopped inside a cab
I went out the other door
This Englishman said, "Fab"
As heG saw me leap a hot dog stand
And a chariot that stood
PCarked across from a building
Gdvertising brotherhood
IC ran right through the front door
Like a hobo sailor does
But it wasC just a funeral parlor
And the man asked me who I was

IC repeateG/Cd that myC friends
Were all in jail, with a sigh
He gave me his card
He said, "Call me if they die"
IG shook his hand and said goodbye
Ran out to the street
When aC bowling ball came down the road
And knocked me off my feet
AC pay phone was ringing
It just about blew my mind
When IC picked it up and said hello
This foot came through the line

Well,byC this timG/Ce I wasC fed up
At tryin' to make a stab
At bringin' back any help
For my friends and Captain Arab
I deGcided to nip a coin
Like either heads or tails
WouldC let me know if I should go
Back to ship or back to jail
So IC hocked my sailor suit
And I got a coin to flip
ItC came up tails it rhymed with sails
So I made it back to the ship

Well,C I goG/Ct back andC took
The parkin' ticket off the mast
I was ripping it to shreds
When this coastguard boat went past
TGhey asked me my name
And I said, "Captain Kidd"
They beClieved me but
They wanted to know
What exactly that I did
I Csaid for the Pope of Eruke
I was employed
TheyC let me go right away
They were very paranoid

Well, theC last G/CI heard of CArab
He was stuck on a whale
That was married to the deputy
Sheriff of the jail
But theG funniest thing was
When I was leavin' the bay
I Csaw three ships a-sailin'
They were all heading my way
IC asked the captain what his name was
And how come he didn't drive a truck
HeC said his name was Columbus
I just said, "Good luck."