I bought no gifts this year
And I slept with your sister
I know I should have thought twice before I kissed her
But with the year we had last
And the dress that she wore
I just went along for the ride
And I came back for more
And I’m sorry, baby

(That’s all okay honey cause see)

I bought no tree this year
And I slept with your brother
I wrecked your Daddy’s car
And went down on your Mother
I set your record collection on fire
And said I never knew
Felt kind of bad about that
And I know you did too

So whatever you say, it’s all fine by me
Who the f**k anyway wants a Christmas tree
Cause the snow keeps on fallin
Even though we were bad
It’ll cover the filth, we should both just be glad
And spend this Christmas together

I married you last year
Bet you thought I was sober, right?
But I was drunk as a skunk and I made a mistake
This could all have been over

Ah honey please don’t excuse your behaviour
Cause I hired a hitman and changed your will
It’s now all in my favour
So whatever you say, it’s all fine by me
Who the f@#k anyway wants a Christmas tree
Cause the snow keeps on fallin
Even though we were bad
It’ll cover the filth, we should both just be glad

And spend-spend-spend this Christ-Christmas together
And spend-spend-spend this Christ-Christmas together
And spend-spend-spend this Christ-Christmas together
And spend-spend-spend this Christ-Christmas together

Holding on without any reason
Cause something’s strong (something’s strong)
This holiday season (this holiday season)

So whatever you say, it’s all fine by me
And who the f**k anyway wants a Christmas tree
Cause the snow keeps on fallin
Even though we were bad
It’ll cover the filth, we should both just be glad

And spend-spend-spend this Christmas together
(repeat)
Come on!